obscured glass forum

Can you help me check my work.

AshyBug , Tuesday, 10th of August 2010 02:42:46 AM

l composed a song, but Im not pretty much sure if l am using a right 
AshyBug
grammar and word usage. Can you help me check my work.This is the song:
Registered User
/>
LOVERS IN THE RAINFALL

VERSE I
Too much time 
Joined: Wednesday, 28th of April 2010, 19:34:38
spendin’for myself
Thinking for my own;
Stupid past imprisoned 
Posts: 1894
me not to move on.
In this morning break,
When the rain is 
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pouring loud,
Nobody understand,
What l feel inside.
/>VERSE II
So denial is tricking me back,
Life is so obscure,/>Keeping out in this so called reverie
of everything gone.
l 
have to bit this spur,
Ofwhy l keep on fighting out,
Here l have 
to flight my way of living inside.

CHORUS:
Lovers in the 
rainfall,
l see them on my window
Playing in the rain,/>While I’m here alone in my room --- desolate.
Hah! Hahh!/>
Verse III
If this time be the perfect dreary day,
l feel 
insecure,
Looking at on my empty bed,
It’s nothing but pillows. 

l have in dispute of myself of having none.
Fretting out in the 
glass pane
As raindrops are tearing down.

CHORUS
/>BRIDGE:
Half-full-bottle of red wine
In my table is losing my 
control,
And now it’s tempting me so.

CHORUS:/>REPEAT CHORUS:

CODA:
Lovers in the rainfall...
/> 
 
 
 
 
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wild thannnggg , Wednesday, 11th of August 2010 05:41:52 AM

1st line: spent instead of spending  
wild thannnggg
6th line: understands instead of understand  
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verse2 chorus 2nd line:lovers through my window  
Joined: Friday, 7th of May 2010, 18:47:20
 
Posts: 1627
rest seems to be okay...good luck!  
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baby b , Thursday, 12th of August 2010 01:36:42 AM

looks OK to me.  
baby b
 
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Joined: Wednesday, 5th of May 2010, 20:07:04
 
Posts: 1809
 
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